


So You Might As Well Live

by Torra



Category: NCIS
Genre: First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-29
Updated: 2009-11-29
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torra/pseuds/Torra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"McGee, that's not how this is supposed to work."</i></p><p>But McGee just shook his head, "No, no it is."  And he closed his eyes tightly, and held very still.</p><p>Tony frowned, and when the other man didn't move, or try to speak again, he rolled his eyes, "What are you doing now?"</p><p>Not opening his eyes, he said, "Waiting for the head slap."</p>
            </blockquote>





	So You Might As Well Live

"Hey, you awake yet? The doctors said we could see you, as long as we didn't stay too long."

Startled, Tony tried to sit upright, his eyes opening with the surprise, but quickly closing as the pain hit. He dropped back into the hospital bed with a groan. "Oh, you did that on purpose."

He didn't have to see Kate to know she was smirking, he could practically feel it though his still closed eyelids and he parted them just enough to glare at her. She, McGee, and Gibbs were leaning into the doorway of his private room, and she looked thoroughly unrepentant.

Well, Kate and McGee were leaning into the doorway, Gibbs was standing behind them looking more amused about Tony's getting shot then he did worried. Tony supposed that meant he was going to be okay. Sighing, he let his head drop back fully onto the pillow. "Come on in, I'm awake now." He paused to yawn, before trying again, "Well, okay, I am able to surface though the meds for now..."

The three made their way into the room, Kate and McGee taking opposite sides of his bed, Gibbs standing behind, as always. It was who Kate who made the first move, and let her grin shift from open teasing, to a soft serious-yet-concerned-for-you smile, "Really, Tony, how are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot, how else? Did we at least get the guy?"

"Yes." McGee nodded quickly, looking only briefly at Tony before fixing his eyes on the bed covers again, "Yes, you managed to take him down right before he took you down. Then Kate made sure he stayed down."

Tony raised an eyebrow, "For good?"

"You'll still have to take him to trail." Gibbs smirked, "If you wanted to avoid that, you should have aimed better."

Tony snorted out a laugh, then groaned when the pain in his gut hit. "I'll try to remember that the next time I'm in a firefight, Boss."

Kate poked him hard in his -- thankfully un-shot -- side, and he groaned again, "How about next time you try to _avoid_ the firefight, huh, macho-man? I'm not exactly looking foreword to braking in another Probie."

Rubbing his side, Tony looked hopefully at McGee, hoping he'd join in the fun on his side instead of Kate's, but McGee's eyes were fixed on the weave of the bedspread. Tony quickly dropped the quip he'd been about to fire off, and sighed. It just wasn't as fun with McGee standing there, refusing to join in and guilt written across his too-quiet face. "I'm fine guys. Really, but I am pretty tired."

"Right, sure," Kate rolled her eyes, "you just want to play the wounded card to get out of the paperwork. Don't think I don't realise that, DiNozzo."

He flashed a bright smile up at Kate, "Will it work?"

She shook her head. "Just this time." She glanced back at Gibbs, then McGee, and shook her head, "Okay, we'd better get started on that. See you soon, DiNozzo."

"Right," McGee started, finally speaking as he took the first step back, "we'll be back to see--"

But Tony interrupted, "Actually, do you think I could keep the Probie back a sec? I wanna have a word with him."

Kate gave Tony a hard look and opened her mouth to protest (probably to tell him to lay off the kid), but Gibbs interrupted with a, "Get the truck, Kate." and a look of his own to Tony. Tony gave a nod back, but he seriously doubted he was agreeing to whatever Gibbs though he was. McGee, meanwhile, stayed quiet, and kept his eyes still fixed downward, even as the other two left, closing the door behind them.

As soon as it was shut, Tony tried to start with "Look, Probie, when I was--"

"I'm sorry!"

Tony blinked and then sighed softly, "No, McGee, that wasn't--"

"I'm sorry. I was...I was _sloppy_. I was sloppy, and if I had been paying attention, you wouldn't have been shot."

"McGee, will you listen, I'm not--"

McGee shook his head and turned away to pace a few steps, "No, if, if I had been _listening_, if I had actually paid attention to what you were trying to tell me, I would have found him sooner. It's my fault you got shot."

"Damn it, Probie, will you--"

"No!" McGee turned, his eyes wide, "You _knew_ he was our guy, you _knew_ it was him, and I didn't believe you. If I had just _stuck with it_, if I had just kept digging I would have found that file sooner. I _should_ have found it sooner!" he turned away again to pace, "But I didn't believe you, and so I just glanced at it before moving on, and if Abby hadn't found--"

"It was just a gut feeling, McGee! _No one_ believed me. Not even Gibbs or Ducky."

"But I _should_ have!"

Tony groaned and let his head fall back again, not even realising he'd tried to sit forward. As soon as the sound escaped his lips, McGee was back at his side, one hand braced against the rail by Tony's chest. "Are you--?"

"I'm _fine_, McGee. And it _wasn't your fault_."

McGee shook his head, hard and fast, "No, no, it definitely was. I'm supposed to trust you. You never lie about your gut feelings, and I should have known better then to think _I_ knew better. _You_ are the senior agent, you have the experience here, not me, I should have just dug though all his files and found the proof that you were right."

"McGee, that's not how this is supposed to work."

But McGee just shook his head, "No, no it is." And he closed his eyes tightly, and held very still.

Tony frowned, and when the other man didn't move, or try to speak again, he rolled his eyes, "What are you doing now?"

Not opening his eyes, he said, "Waiting for the head slap."

Tony couldn't stop the quiet growl, this was _not_ how he had seen this going, "Probie..."

"Oh!" McGee opened his eyes briefly with his flash of some sort of inspiration, and nodded, "Right, of course." And he took a step closer to the bed, and leaned forward and down, his eyes closed again.

Tony was tempted to laugh, but stopped it with another growl, "Probie, what are--"

"Still too high?" and he crouched over a little further, now leaning half over Tony on the bed, and his head turned away, the back presented to Tony for easy smacking.

Okay, this was not working. Usually Tony and McGee did well with words, very well, with an easy back and forth between them, even when they were fighting toe-to-toe, but this time he guessed he needed a more direct method. Raising an arm, Tony let his left hand drop heavily against the back of McGee's neck and shoulder. McGee jumped when the contact was made, clearly still ready and expecting the slap, and only tensed more when it didn't immediately follow. Tony shook his head, and raised his right hand and rested it more gently against his friend's cheek. McGee's eyes flew opened, surprised as Tony tried to turn his face towards him, but Tony didn't wait, and used his hands and pulled him down, and touched their lips together just as McGee lost his balance.

Their lips broke contact for just an instant as McGee's other arm shot out across the bed to save himself from falling on top of Tony, but Tony pulled him in again to continue the kiss before McGee could open his mouth to speak, or regain his composure to pull away.

It was soft, and not very involved, as McGee was mostly frozen, but Tony let his eyes slide shut, and tried to just give them this moment, lips gentle and careful and expressive. When McGee didn't respond any further then to not push him away, though, Tony internalised a sigh, and let his hands slide away, and their lips part from each other, and lay back again.

McGee remained frozen, half draped over the bed, eyes open wide and nearly frightened. Tony felt something inside his gut clench, and he doubted it had anything to do with the bullet wound, but he pushed it away. He'd have plenty of time to wallow in that pain later, right now he just needed to get this part over with.

"It wasn't your fault, McGee. None of it." Tony let his full weight sink into the pillow behind him and closed his eyes briefly, not wanting to look at his friend for just this second, "I didn't have a lot of time there, between getting shot and you guys finding me, but I did have enough time to think some things though, and none of it was your fault."

"Wh-what?" McGee's mouth tried to open again, confusion written in every line of his every muscle, but Tony just opened his eyes, and looked away, fixing on some non-existent thing across the room.

"You're a good agent, and you don't get enough credit for that. Especially not from me."

"Tony?"

Tony closed his eyes again for a second as he shook his head, but he glanced back at McGee, still braced across him and offered a small smile afterwords, "I promised myself I'd change that if I lived."

McGee frowned, "The shot wasn't--"

"I know. But when you're shot, Probie, it doesn't matter where it is, or how bad, these sort of things still cross your mind. You still take stock of your life, and start making promises." Tony drew his hands up to adjust the blankets over him, "Still, every thing's fine now. It wasn't your fault." This time, the smile he flashed was stronger, but no more happy then the last, though he hoped it didn't show. "You should probably get back, Gibbs won't be happy about being kept waiting, and Kate's probably imagining all sorts of terrible things I'm doing to fuck with your head right now to punish you." When McGee didn't move, Tony tried to grin, "Kinda surprised they aren't watching though the door window by now."

That was enough, and as McGee pulled away, Tony shut his eyes tightly.  


* * *

  
Embarrassment shot though Tim for just an instant as he quickly turned to look at the door, fully expecting to see their co-workers watching on, shocked or appalled at the tableau he and Tony must be presenting. But the door was still closed, and the cross-hatch wire window set into it was still empty, showing nothing more then a rectangle of pale hallway paint. And as soon as he turned away, he realised what Tony was trying to do. He was trying to deflect, trying to distract from the risk he'd just taken. Trying to make him think that whatever had just happened, was a joke, or maybe he was just giving Tim an out. If Tim pulled away now, as if afraid of being caught in a kiss with his male co-worker and friend, the it would be proof that this never happened. And once over, would never be spoken of again.

Tony was good at making jokes to distract him, and good at saying things to deflect attention away from himself anytime he mistakenly revealed anything truly important. He was _very_ good at maintaining his image as a care-free and crass womanizer.

And usually, Tim, along with everyone else, fell for it. Or at least they let it happen. They all knew Tony didn't like showing how he really felt about things, and hated showing the actual depth of his feelings, and so let him deflect their attention with a rude observation on women, or by dropping a story about his years as a drunk frat boy, and everyone maintained the statusquo.

Turning his head slowly to look back at Tony, Tim decided that this time, he didn't want to go back to status quo. For just this moment, Tony looked quiet and small on the hospital bed, and far more broken then any gunshot could make him. As soon as he realised Tim was looking at him, that would all be gone, he knew, but for just this half of a second, Tim got to see the pain Tony would never again show over this rejection.

Making a decision he never in his life thought he'd be allowed to make, Tim shifted, turning to face Tony more fully, and pulling his hand away from the far edge of the bed, and let it come to rest against Tony's neck and shoulder, just as Tony had done a moment ago. Tony's eyes flew open, and Tim let him see his smile filled with both terror and hope, "I think I can get away with a few more minutes." Moving slowly, giving Tony and himself both plenty of time to stop it, Tim brought them together again and and started a kiss that this time was shared by both of them, their lips gently playing, learning each other's movements and taste. When it finally did end, Tim pulled back just far enough to give him a small, open smile of simple and true happiness, which was matched by one of the most brilliant and blinding smiles he had ever seen Tony give.

Tony licked his lips, his eyes dropping to see Tim doing the same, "You think so?" His voice was rough, but happy.

Tim grinned back and nodded, leaning forward again, "Maybe longer if I tell them you were yelling at me."


End file.
